Yesterday I felt like I was floating. Let me explain how. The previous two shifts at work I’d felt like I was underwater. You know, when you’re underwater and you can’t hear anything clearly and the water is pressing down on you all around? Kind of like that. Well yesterday, I went to work, prepared to tell my boss that I couldn’t work on check-outs that I needed somewhere less energy-pulling to work because clearly I was in no way able to deal with it at the moment. Due to the timing of when I started and when breaks had to happen, I spent the first hour on check-outs. And it was fine. I was fine. I was floating. I noticed that I didn’t feel like I was under water. I felt physically lighter. Everything was easier. And as soon as I noticed how light I was feeling, I began to feel even lighter still. Like I was floating in the Dead Sea supported by water and salt. (Not that I’ve floated in the Dead Sea, yet, but how I imagine it would feel).
I’m positive that the reason I felt so much better yesterday afternoon was because of all the writing I did yesterday. I wrote on this blog and on my student blog (I’ve signed up for a course called How To Change The World) and I wrote a letter explaining why I was feeling so drained and what I’m going to do about it (a letter that’ll never be sent, but writing it out helps). So writing is awesome and therapeutic and healing, and I love it quite a lot.
Today I’m going to bake cupcakes and start working on my new course and wash some dishes and maybe some clothes. I’ll sing Hallelujah again and again until I memorise the order of the verses (it got stuck in my head last night, but I’m taking the opportunity to practice today while Ajay is at work so he doesn’t have to put up with my very-out-of-tune-but-very-enthusiastic singing). Then I’ll put the Disney channel on my Pandora app and sing along with all the songs. I’ll look at the tiny flowers I bought myself at work yesterday that reminded me of miniature sunflowers, and sunflowers never fail to make me smile. I’ll call my grandparents in Geelong and organise to visit them next week when Ajay and I both have two days off in a row(!).
I’m loving the freedom of having five whole days in a row to do with whatever I want. I’ve written a very long To Do list that is more of a wishlist because there’s no pressure to get most of the things on the list actually done. I’m dreaming of a sparkling clean house and all my paperwork organised and garden free of weeds and full of seeds and I’m dreaming of relaxing on the couch or in my hammock with a cup of tea and a good book and I’m dreaming of being really productive and getting started with the business idea that’s been floating around my head for the last two months and I’m dreaming of writing and writing and writing. And in the end it doesn’t matter what I end up doing and what I don’t because the dreaming is nice and the freedom is nice and the potential of all these days is nice and I could do with a bit of niceness this week.