I’ve had a very intense week and now I’m empty. I feel like I have nothing inside me to give. No happiness, no kindness, no compassion, no sympathy. I’ve struggled through my last two nights at work, as just dealing with customers, as in just smiling and saying hello, has left me so drained that after the last customers are gone it’s all I can do to not dissolve into a puddle of tears and exhaustion. It’s kind of scary. I’ve never felt so drained before and I’m not sure how to fix myself.
After work tonight, I have five days off, due to a happy coincidence with the roster. So I’m going to use the next five days to try and fill myself back up again. I’ll be drinking cups of tea, and filling out my 2014 workbook with all my dreams and goals and hopes and wishes. I’ll be avoiding Facebook (it’s draining) and instead be focusing on Instagram and sharing photographs. I’ll be taking photographs (because that makes me incredibly happy) and pottering around the garden and organising my study and getting ready for uni. I’ll be cooking healthy meals and snacks and finding recipes to make once I start back at uni this semester.
I’ll be ironing all the work shirts (because doing that one task makes me feel super organised and on top of life in general). I’ll be talking with Ajay as much as I can about how I’m going, how I’m feeling.
I’ll cry if I feel like crying, and I’ll sing if I feel like singing and I’ll write and write until I’ve gotten all my thoughts out of my head and onto paper.
And hopefully, by the end of the week, I’ll be feeling a little better, I’ll be feeling more like myself and less like this shell of a person. And if not I’ll keep working on it until I do. Because sometimes that’s all we can do, just keep working on it.